Kolog
A showcase of personal writing

10.27.04: Happy birthday, Bet-on! We love you.

I hope you had quite the celebration in San Francisco, and only wish I could have joined you. We miss you.

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We are six days away from the election here in the United States, and I am unnerved by the condition of our democratic system. The election process appears to be disintegrating in front of our eyes. Unless someone runs away with this race, which does not appear likely, the election will be placed in the hands of the law, just as it was in 2000.

I wish the election could stay out of the courts, but I have little control of such matters. However, I can analyze the sedulous court documents for the sake of commenting on American culture. For example, the records produced in legal battles regarding the 2000 election in Florida reminds the public of the role race continues to play in American society: {http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/09/04/politics/main520754.shtml}. The documentary habits of the American legal system provide a regale for textual analysts such as me. Perhaps I'm searching for silver linings, but I feel we can learn irreplaceable lessons from history, no matter how grim that history may seem.

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Pulse on Iraq > "Signs Point to Imminent Showdown in Iraq". ROBERT H. REID. AP:
{http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/I/IRAQ_SHOWDOWN_AHEAD?SITE=MOJOP&SECTION=HOME}

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10.23.04: Why haven’t we been working on our electoral process for the past four years?

This issue was enigmatically absent from this year’s presidential debates.

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10.22.04: I'm riding down the highway, babe, won't you come along
Truckers and travelers and lonesome gatherers all singing their traveling song
If it's highways or byways, your way or my way
When you know it can't be wrong
I'm riding down the highway, babe, won't you come along

I left Memphis singing high, St. Louis isn't far
Two hundred miles left to ride, two hundred miles by car
I ain't a-sayin' life is easy, but it ain't too hard
I left Memphis in the blues, St. Louis isn't far

Chicago shook me all night long and blew me on my way
I kept singing this here song, it's all I've left to say
Though I thought I heard my name a-called, I knew I couldn't stay
Chicago rocked me all night long and blew me on my way

The Mississippi's mighty but the Rockies sure are tall
I though if I got high enough there'd be no place to fall
Sometimes you look up and find yourself two feet tall
Oh the Mississippi's mighty, babe, but the Rockies sure are tall

A fog rolls over Frisco and tells you they're all cracked.

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10.20.04: Can you see yourself in walls?
You know
Shadows haunt more than haunted halls,

On river bends and waterfalls
I’ve heard them calling for us all
And so
Out of the woods I run,
For fear: for fun
Overcome each other once begun.

Sing to me a song as yet unsung
You shadow of the night
Here in naked daylight
Piercing the shades of ghostly ways
To illuminate angels in school with the sun
Answer our sweet sorrow calls

For countenance faces itself in walls
Sooner or later
If ever at all.

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10.19.04: If black were not the color
If tears were not rain
If all it meant nothing
Why would I feel the pain
I would not feel the pain

If we’d not been lovers
If we’d not been friends
If there’d been no others
Death would not seem the end
Death would not mean the end

If you were not so quite
If you were not so still.

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10.17.04: May we all salute troops who do the right thing:

Pulse on Iraq > "Unit Commander in Iraq Relieved of Duty". TINI TRAN: AP Oct 21, 6:33 PM EDT
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/I/IRAQ_UNIT_INVESTIGATION?SITE=VASTA&SECTION=HOME}.

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10.16.04: Two days ago, I joined my mom’s side of the family in paying our last respects to my grandmother, Marie Nicolette.

The viewing was on Wednesday, the funeral on Thursday, so Katie and I drove from Boulder to Wichita on Tuesday after a half-day of work. The drive through eastern Colorado and western Kansas was long and uneventful. The expansive panoramic views of the Great Plains are impressive but the flatness of the land allows boredom to sweep right across the prairie and into your car. Even though the speed limit is seventy or over in that part of the country, the chariest of drivers can’t help but feel as though his or her motorized vehicle is crawling as if on hands and knees through black quicksand; but this is all a psychological trick of the land. We made good time and arrived at Uncle Buzz’s house just before midnight.

Considering the fact that we were in Wichita for a funeral, Katie and I both had more fun in the past three days then we ever imagined. Everyone was sad. Tears ran often, but there were just as many laughs, smiles and hugs to go around. My grandmother’s funeral has taught me an incredible lesson that I will never forget: a tight family remembers the deceased by celebrating the living.

Spending three days in the ebullient presence of Olivia, my four-month-old niece whom I met for the first time, and Jessie, my two-year-old second cousin whom I also had not met before this occasion, reminded all of us that Grandma would only want us to honor her by enjoying our time with each other. Though I should have, I did not anticipate the rejuvenating effects that Olivia and Jessie had on our spirits. They resuscitated a grieving family with the breath of life. As my sister puts it, holding a child is great therapy. As I put it, death makes life worth living.

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10.14.04: A Eulogy for My Grandmother

I would like to begin by reading a poem, which I came across on Sunday afternoon after being informed of Grandma’s passing. It’s by Robert Frost and appropriately titled “October”.

{click for link to “October” by Robert Frost}

We gather here today to honor the life and memory of my grandmother, Marie Christine Nicolette.

Born in 1923 to immigrant parents Christine Marie Schweitzer and Fredrick Steeb of the Black Forest, Germany, Grandma had an eternally optimistic nature and appreciated all the wonders the world has to offer.

Her unbridled passion for life diligently sought solace in the arts. Forever the Renaissance woman, Grandma appreciated literature, theater and music of all kinds, and as a writer herself, produced a prolific collection of personal poetry and, quite often, fantastic fiction. I along with many others here today, owe her an invaluable debt of gratitude for instilling in us an insatiable love of the arts. Grandma, thank you.

After growing up in Maplewood, New Jersey and graduating from Columbia High School, Grandma married my grandfather, Gale Sickles, in 1946. Together they had four precious children: the oldest son, Gary, and three daughters, my mother Chris, Nancy, and the youngest, Heidi.

Grandma was the loving matriarch of our family. With nine grandchildren (Miranda, Sammi, Laura, Missy, Jenny, Beth, Matthew, myself, and Ryan) and two beautiful great-grandchildren (Olivia and Jessie), she taught us all many irreplaceable lessons in life. And although many of her best characteristics and qualities were too rich and complex for me to fully comprehend let alone succinctly encapsulate in a single eulogy, I would like to concentrate on perhaps her most endearing contribution to our family.

The last time I saw Grandma was at my wedding just over a year ago. Despite her already declining health, she insisted on making the occasion, which of course meant the world to my lovely wife Katie and I. In her parting words, as her ride heading to the airport began to pull away, Grandma rolled down the window one last time and commanded me to do one thing: take care of Katie. While I grasped the sentiment immediately, I did not completely understand the scope of her request. But now, looking back on and learning more about here life, I have come to hear what Grandma has been telling us in her own peculiar ways all along: take care of each other for we’re all we have, and as I’m coming to find out with each passing year, it doesn’t last long.

In the past three weeks, as Grandma’s condition continued to deteriorate, I have spoken by phone with Uncle Buzz, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Heidi, and of course, Mom, all of who were by Grandma’s side taking care of her in the end. Though she may have left us for now, Grandma passes not before teaching her children, who in turn have taught us, how to stay together as a family.

In closing, I would like to read a poem by Marie Elizabeth Frye entitled "Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep".

{click for link to"Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep" by Marie Elizabeth Frye}

{printable version}

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10.07.04: In yesterday's passage, I concentrated on the paragraph. As William Strunk Jr. says, “The object of treating each topic in a paragraph by itself is, of course, to aid the reader. The beginning of each paragraph is a signal to him that a new step in the development of the subject has been reached” (p. 16, The Elements of Style. 3rd Ed. Macmillan Publishing: New York. 1979). The paragraph is the most vital and convenient unit serving all forms of literature (p. 15) and thus a fine starting point for my exercise in rhetoric.

First, the introductory sentence of each paragraph must either suggest the topic of the said paragraph or assist in the transition being made at that point in the composition. The first sentence of a paragraph can act as a headline summarizing the idea or topic about to be discussed, or it can explain why the writer has decided to move from the previous paragraph to the new one. I have tried to concentrate on this aspect of composition taught to me by William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White in the hopes of improving the habits by which I write.

In performing this exercise, I have met my commitment to discipline with a two-day entry of over one thousand words. For more on The Elements of Style, please click on the parenthetical reference above.

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10.06.04: The vice presidential debate between Vice President Dick Cheney and Senator John Edwards last night spoke volumes between the lines. More than what each candidate had to say, what they did not say in response to several specific questions proved most informative. Crammed in between the many recycled campaign pitches that each candidate predictably hurled at one another in response to questions regarding Iraq and foreign policy lay an insightful moment during which neither gentleman could provide an answer to a major problem facing our country.

Neither candidate could begin to approach the issue of same-sex marriage. As I recall it, Vice-president Cheney first delegated the matter to the states and then changed his position after implying that some states could not make what his administration considers to be the right decision (i.e. prohibiting the union between two people of the same gender). After hearing Cheney’s response, one might expect the Republican stance on the issue to favor their rivals on Election Day by swaying all of us who believe a union between two people should be honored by the state without any consideration of gender; but Democrats beware. John Edwards vacillated on this issue nearly as much as did his distinguished opponent. Edwards assured freedom for all individuals on a basis that seemed to exclude any consideration of sexual orientation, but when defining his meaning of freedom, John Kerry’s choice for vice-president stopped short of including federal recognition of such unions. According to how I understood the vice-presidential candidates words, a gay couple can get married in the privacy of their own home, but cannot receive recognition of their commitment by the federal government. We have a long way to go as a country if this is our vice-president’s idea of freedom. After all, as they discussed themselves in the debate, they are only a heartbeat away from the presidency, which is much closer than you or I.

In regards to the issue of marriage between two people of the same gender, America should look back to the last time the so-called definition of marriage was challenged.
Why would we try, in a sense, to petrify the definition of marriage when any dilettante of rhetoric knows one of the greatest characteristics of language is its process of ever-evolving meaning? But I digress.

In the nineteenth century, which sounds ancient, but was in fact only a hundred years or three generations ago, a marriage between two black people was not recognized by the government of these United States of America. The Federal Government refused to acknowledge and treat as equal the union between a man and woman of African descent and justified their actions by interpreting one dogmatic definition of the word marriage. In his effort to abolish this exclusive definition of the term and force the government of the United States to recognize marriage between two people of color, William Wells Brown, in the 1850’s, explains the importance of recognizing a marriage no matter whom it’s between: “Although marriage, as the above indicates, is a matter which the slaveholders do not think is of any importance, or of any binding force with their slaves; yet it would be doing that degraded class an injustice, not to acknowledge that many of them do regard it as a sacred obligation, and show a willingness to obey the commands of God on this subject. Marriage is, indeed, the first and most important institution of human existence – the foundation of all civilization and culture – the root of church and state. It is the most intimate covenant of heart formed among mankind; and for many persons the only relation in which they feel the true sentiments of humanity. It gives scope for every human virtue, since each of theses is developed from the love and confidence which here predominate. It unites all which ennobles and beautifies life, – sympathy, kindness of will and deed, gratitude, devotion, and every delicate, intimate feeling. As the only asylum for true education, it is the first and last sanctuary of human culture” (p. 83, Clotel. Ed. Levine. Bedford/St. Martin’s: 2000). As they indicated in their debate, both candidates for vice-president agree that the right to gay marriage is not even close enough to being one of this nation’s top issues. It does not even merit further discussion in their opinion. Yet, as Brown reminds us, marriage is the most important institution in the world for many individuals.

So how could both candidates deny equality for all? Katie might have figured it out today when she proposed an answer: corporate America. Edwards is in favor of providing some benefits to civil unions, such as visitation and post-mortem rights, but there has to be a reason why he stops short of providing all the benefits handed to a married heterosexual couple. It may just have to do with healthcare in the corporate sector. At the National Academy of Sciences, as a member of a long-term, live-in commitment, my fiancé was eligible for coverage on my healthcare even though we were not married. We benefited in many ways from this great opportunity and were extremely fortunate for not all companies in the United States are as egalitarian as the NAS. Many, if not most, companies refuse coverage to an employee’s partner if no marriage exists. Many benefits come with the state’s recognition of a marriage. If the government were to legalize gay marriage, companies would have much higher healthcare costs.

With all that said, Edwards and the Kerry campaign are most certainly the lesser of two evils here. We will at least move in the right direction if Kerry is elected and implements the proposals put forth by John Edwards last night. Even though we would be moving at an unsettlingly gradualist pace with Kerry, we know Bush and Cheney will not even loosen their grip upon the chains of oppression that deny equality from homosexuals, a population of our own country seemingly not as important to our government as are people on the other side of the world in Iraq.

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10.05.04: Last night, Katie and I talked about writing and how important it is to write everyday. Some people might not realize the effort necessary in order to write even a mere five hundred words a day. They fail to consider the discipline involved in taking the time to sit down each day in an effort to initiate the taxing process of self-expression. Any writer must overcome several obstacles that initially impede disciplined writing.

A writer’s job is not easy, at first. When I initially sit down behind a keyboard, my mind most often goes blank. Words escape my grasp somewhere in the process between their origins in my mind and their fruition on the screen; but this is a result of inexperience not a measure of ability. I know I can write, I have done so for years; however, I am not accustomed to the practice of disciplined writing each day of the week. I have just begun to sit down on a daily basis with the sole purpose of composing. The writer’s block that I experience upon first sitting down to write must and will be overcome, but only with diligence. It’s not easy, but it’s very necessary. If the thoughts flee my reach, I should seek new ones.

In the past, I have allowed my writing habits to slip and tarnish the outcome of my work. If I am to realize my goals and dreams of becoming a university professor, I must work on re-instituting beneficial writing habits that will enhance and not diminish my work. Up until this point, I have not worked on writing until it is too late. Instead of honing my writing skills along the way, I have concentrated solely on collecting the thoughts and concepts relevant to my argument in my head and then expect to have the inherent ability to transpose those thoughts accurately from my mind to the page without difficulty. This assumption on my part is foolish and unreasonable. Because I neglect to work on my writing everyday, it fails me when I need it most. I must write everyday in order to weed out the bad habits before they have a chance to creep into my formal writing.

So, I apologize if any of this is unclear or ambiguous in meaning. I am working on it. By hashing things out now, I will improve my ability to communicate in the future. Some may find this passage mundane. Some, if not most, will certainly find it boring, but it serves a very valuable purpose, which is that of practice. By writing five hundred words every day, I will sharpen my skills as a writer, while encountering and overcoming my weaknesses. I have very important matters to discuss with the world; however, I am not able to do so at this point because of muddled writing. Fortunately, I can overcome my flaws through persistent practice. I have committed quite a bit of time and energy towards pursuing a career in academia, and I am not about to stop now. By writing each day on whatever subject may please my fancy, I will improve. I must improve.

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10.04.04: Today, I registered to vote.

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